Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen

Let’s start this review with the following preface: I am not a fan of Michael Bay. That being said, I have enjoyed Michael Bay movies – namely The Rock and Bad Boys 1. However, sometime after watching around 20 camera spinning angle scenes, with the sun light glare in the camera encompassing a close up of (put movie action star here) with an overtly serious and badass look on face.  Cut next scene, witty joke, cut to next camera angle, witty joke, cue the spinning camera.  Folks, I’ve concluded that I’ve outgrown him. That’s because, at no fault of his mind you, he has directed the same movies for the last 10 years. Minus The Island, which was speculatively deviant from his normal action plot, and that’s why it was entirely awful, Michael Bay has become the epitome of Hollywood: formulaic while being able to make money hand over fist.

So where does Transformers 2 fall into this mix? Unfortunately, it falls right into the middle of it, because Transformers 1 and 2 are essentially the same movie. Except, Transformers 1 had a little more plot, and the robots are less gimmicky. By less gimmicky, I’m referring to the robots with weird Star Wars characteristics. There are these two colorful twin robots and they have Hip Hop lingo, but talk with muppet voices.  Also pointed out to me, they were illiterate.  Hm. These ghetto speaking twin robots can’t read!  Why? Frankly, I don’t know, but of one thing I am certain: just like Jar Jar Binks, they should have died. A top critic on Rotten Tomatoes pointed out that the action and special effects have lost their novelty and it’s hard to disagree. Michael Bay employs the same old tricks up his sleeve by planting a convenient tree here, a convenient wall there, so that it minimizes the amount of CG flying by the big screen. The CG wasn’t strong enough to stand alone with a great deal of up close movement, and this will be especially apparent in high definition.

Moving onto plot, wait a minute, there was no coherent plot – never mind. There was something about Earth having Energon and that could save the Autobots and the Decepticons. Also, Witwicki now goes to the college of geeky guys and models. Oh yeah, Megan Fox’s character is trying to get Witwicky to commit or something. Moreover, Witwicky can save us all.  There’s a big robot, named Devastator built up from five smaller robots that wasted about twenty minutes of my life.  Plot. The end.

On the flip side, don’t get me wrong. I did enjoy this movie. Anything with Optimus Prime and an appeal to my childhood will win me over to SOME degree. Also, Megan Fox is smoking hot, and there was a gratuitously long slow motion Michael Bay Watch scene where Witwicky and Megan Fox are running towards the camera and she is bouncy in all her glory. Two strings away from awesomeness. Btw, get it? Michael Bay? Bay Watch? Righttt? In conclusion, Transformers 2 is again, good enough. I enjoyed it when I should, but hated it just about anywhere I could. On a sidenote, that one scene towards near the conclusion was AWFUL. What were they thinking?! If I die, and I see the forefathers of Cybertron, well, that would be ridiculous – just like the scene from this movie: ridiculous.

Anyways, I give this movie 2.5/5 stars for enjoyment and plenty of Megan Fox slow mo shots – see above and below et al.  Thank you Michael Bay, but I still hate you.  This movie is what it is and that’s pure entertainment and stuff blowing up which is OK, but it wasn’t good and that “scene” that will live in infamy has burned itself to the back of my retinas.  It could’ve been better, but it could’ve been worse.  On that closing note, here’s one more shot of Megan Fox in a higher resolution.

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