Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen

Let’s start this review with the following preface: I am not a fan of Michael Bay. That being said, I have enjoyed Michael Bay movies – namely The Rock and Bad Boys 1. However, sometime after watching around 20 camera spinning angle scenes, with the sun light glare in the camera encompassing a close up of (put movie action star here) with an overtly serious and badass look on face.  Cut next scene, witty joke, cut to next camera angle, witty joke, cue the spinning camera.  Folks, I’ve concluded that I’ve outgrown him. That’s because, at no fault of his mind you, he has directed the same movies for the last 10 years. Minus The Island, which was speculatively deviant from his normal action plot, and that’s why it was entirely awful, Michael Bay has become the epitome of Hollywood: formulaic while being able to make money hand over fist.

So where does Transformers 2 fall into this mix? Unfortunately, it falls right into the middle of it, because Transformers 1 and 2 are essentially the same movie. Except, Transformers 1 had a little more plot, and the robots are less gimmicky. By less gimmicky, I’m referring to the robots with weird Star Wars characteristics. There are these two colorful twin robots and they have Hip Hop lingo, but talk with muppet voices.  Also pointed out to me, they were illiterate.  Hm. These ghetto speaking twin robots can’t read!  Why? Frankly, I don’t know, but of one thing I am certain: just like Jar Jar Binks, they should have died. A top critic on Rotten Tomatoes pointed out that the action and special effects have lost their novelty and it’s hard to disagree. Michael Bay employs the same old tricks up his sleeve by planting a convenient tree here, a convenient wall there, so that it minimizes the amount of CG flying by the big screen. The CG wasn’t strong enough to stand alone with a great deal of up close movement, and this will be especially apparent in high definition.

Moving onto plot, wait a minute, there was no coherent plot – never mind. There was something about Earth having Energon and that could save the Autobots and the Decepticons. Also, Witwicki now goes to the college of geeky guys and models. Oh yeah, Megan Fox’s character is trying to get Witwicky to commit or something. Moreover, Witwicky can save us all.  There’s a big robot, named Devastator built up from five smaller robots that wasted about twenty minutes of my life.  Plot. The end.

On the flip side, don’t get me wrong. I did enjoy this movie. Anything with Optimus Prime and an appeal to my childhood will win me over to SOME degree. Also, Megan Fox is smoking hot, and there was a gratuitously long slow motion Michael Bay Watch scene where Witwicky and Megan Fox are running towards the camera and she is bouncy in all her glory. Two strings away from awesomeness. Btw, get it? Michael Bay? Bay Watch? Righttt? In conclusion, Transformers 2 is again, good enough. I enjoyed it when I should, but hated it just about anywhere I could. On a sidenote, that one scene towards near the conclusion was AWFUL. What were they thinking?! If I die, and I see the forefathers of Cybertron, well, that would be ridiculous – just like the scene from this movie: ridiculous.

Anyways, I give this movie 2.5/5 stars for enjoyment and plenty of Megan Fox slow mo shots – see above and below et al.  Thank you Michael Bay, but I still hate you.  This movie is what it is and that’s pure entertainment and stuff blowing up which is OK, but it wasn’t good and that “scene” that will live in infamy has burned itself to the back of my retinas.  It could’ve been better, but it could’ve been worse.  On that closing note, here’s one more shot of Megan Fox in a higher resolution.

Drag Me to Hell – Campy, Jumpy and sometimes just plain Gross!

It’s been a long time folks, I’ve been a bit busy with work, but I figured some of our few loyal readers, whoever they are, have need of something new to read.  SO let’s get this party under way.  I know I know, this movies on its way out, but hopefully you can catch still catch it.  = )

Where do we begin? Two years have passed since the abomination that was Spiderman 3.  Let’s be honest, that was a hack job in and of itself.  How do you mess up a story with Venom?  But, let’s save that for another post.  Anyways, I was not too hopeful for this movie, because the line between campy and cheesy is paper thin.  However, Drag Me to Hell luckily stays delicious campy and jumps out of the screen in violent and grisly fashion.  Let’s break down some of the background story.

I wantttt to suckkkk your blood!

Drag Me to Hell follows the story of Christine Brown – the generic and seemingly wholesome protagonist of the story.  She’s squeaky clean and cute, and if that’s not enough, she’s seriously dating the Apple Guy.  However, Christine Brown who btw is played by Alison Lohman wants that promotion – hell, we all want that promotion.  And I’ll be damned to Hell that is, if Christine Brown doesn’t deserve it!  However, her work situation is quite hellish; her nerdy and ratty asian coworker wants that promotion too.  Therefore, she turns down the creepy old lady on a loan extension.  Spited the old lady returns only to curse Christine Brown to have her soul be taken by an evil deity in a fantastic scene.

This was a good Holy Shit moment.

Do not bring your kids to this movie, and do not bring the faint of heart.  While, I will not spoil any of these scenes, I will say, Christine Brown sure drinks her milk and takes her vitamins.  Because, despite going through some supernatural beat downs, she remained throughout the film in pretty good shape and health.  Anyways, in desperate measures, she employs a Rham Jas – a Fortune Teller – for aid.  Despite having the name of an Indian Hip Hop Popstar, Rham Jam shows his knowledge, mettle and supernatural know how, and does everything in his power to avert Christine Brown’s fate.  After doing this movie, Rham Jas pursued a successful career in Bollywood as a backup dancer and rapper to Shaheed in Lost.

Drag Me to Hell works great and often.  In fact, I haven’t been this jumpy since the Ring, and this movie employs all the tricks in the book.  Sam Raimi is without a doubt, the real deal when it comes to directing and writing Horror.  Don’t forget, this is the guy who concieved the very beloved cult-classic Evil-dead series, whic btw is going to get another jumpstart in the near future, but hell, which sequels aren’t right?  I would put this as another great date movie, but most horror movies are for taking girls anyways.

My preciousssssssssss!

This movie was a fantastic ride, and I hope to see more of its kind later.  Unfortunately, from ticket sales, Drag Me to Hell didn’t do all that fantastic in the Box Office, but I hope that you guys get a chance to catch it in the theatre or on DVD.

Oh and just before I forget again, I give this movie 4/5 Stars.