Avatar – You’re not in Kansas anymore.

Well folks, it’s been a while, and I wanted to shoot out a review for Avatar for a number of reasons.  First being, it’s the new year – Happy New Years everyone, and secondly, Avatar was the movie of the year.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  Avatar was far from perfect.  However, as an experience, Avatar was unparalleled in the realm of cinema and there are few points I wanted to make.  I’m going to try a different setup with just words and then pictures at the end.  So without further ado, let’s get this party started.

It’s been 12 long years since James Cameron has tackled directing and my expectations for Avatar were mixed to say the least.  First off, any movie that relies heavily on CG tends to come out subpar for a various number of reasons.  The CG just is difficult to integrate seamlessly, and with the advent of HD technology, the differences are easily noticeable (See new Star Wars movies et al).  Not to mention, James Cameron has been out of the game for a very long time.  Questions were raised such as: did he still have it in him to direct a Sci-Fi movie on an epic scale?  His last movie was Titanic, which despite its amazing technical feats will forever remain a chick flick.  So, going into the movie, I kept my expectations leveled as I put on my cool REAL3D glasses.  And let me just say, the experience blew my mind.  My eyes took a minute to adjust to the depth of the visuals when the movie first opens inside the space ship but it drew me in from the getgo.  This was the first time I thought to myself: “Wow, this 3D thing isn’t just a gimmick to make Hollywood more money.”

The story on the other hand wasn’t quite as cool as the effects, because it’s a story we’ve all seen quite often.  It’s, well, it’s Dances with Wolves in space, but they cut out the Indians and put in giant blue ethnic people instead.  In the future not so far away apparently, a giant nameless mega-corporation has found an inhabited planet in which of course houses an extremely valuable mineral.  On the downside however, there is a clan of giant mobile/agile/hostile blue natives, which happens to live in a giant Tree home, right on top of the largest untapped source of this mineral.  You can guess what happens next.  Anyways, Jake Sully an ex-marine is sent in as an Avatar – a physical embodiment of these blue natives, to integrate himself into the society in an attempt to negotiate a peaceful resolution.  As always in these stories, Jake starts to fall in love with the native’s culture and the beautiful (this is mostly prospective, because she’s large and blue) Neytiri.  That sums up the plot.  They win, but they don’t really win, because well, nobody wins, except they’re still happy.

On a subject change I wanted to point out a few things that stuck with me and this is in no particular order of importance.   During the Avatar sex scene, my buddy Robby looked over to me and whispered, “Wow, this is…kinda weird.”  Me:  “But it’s in 3D!!!”  We then proceeded to giggle for five minutes like Japanese schoolgirls.  Later it occurred to me, that this is the future of the pornography industry.  After one of the more dramatic scenes, there was a lot of fire and one of the mounts ran across the scene on fire in slow motion.  This prompted a, “Geezus James Cameron…” That brought back flashbacks of that scene in Terminator 2 when Sarah Connor dreamed of a nuclear explosion, in which the scene depicted a playground rocking horse on fire.  It’s just TOO much, sometimes.  Moving on, that scene in which they’re praying is utterly and completely ridiculous. Finally, didn’t it seem entirely awkward to you when Neytiri held the real Jake Sully in her arms?  Holy physically awkward Batman.  I was thinking “That’s a HUGE bitch!” the whole way.  Also, back to that sex scene, didn’t that scene remind you of Watchmen?  When the Blue man was in Vietnam instead of a Vegas show, and had a big blue ____.  Some of you guys get it and by guys I mean Vu.

Anyways, back to the movie’s important facets, despite a hackneyed over arching plot, James Cameron has created both an amazing experience and fully realized lush world.  The story telling is steady and practiced and James Cameron has shown that he’s still got it.  When paired with Sci-Fi and a bottomless budget, he will deliver unto us.  Believe that.  Despite gorgeously choreographed action scenes, I found myself engaged most during the moments when the main characters were simply running through the forest or when Jake Sully flies in the air for first time.  In fact, now I am convinced those are the strongest moments of the movie.  When the movie tried to hammer home its points upon capitalism and corporate moral corruption, the movie lost momentum.  Watch the movie for the experience in 3D, and you will enjoy it.  For these reasons, I will give it 5 out of 5 stars.  It’s not perfect, but I loved it and I am hard pressed to find an experience in the movie theater that I enjoyed more.

Here are some screen shots for you guys.

“I want this mission high and tight. I want to be home for dinner.” – Colonel

“How will I know if he chooses me?” “He will try to kill you.”

Neytiri calls me skxawng. It means “moron.”

We look so cool, I know.  Btw, that lady must’ve not paid the extra for 3D glasses and that is why she looks entirely bored.

Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen

Let’s start this review with the following preface: I am not a fan of Michael Bay. That being said, I have enjoyed Michael Bay movies – namely The Rock and Bad Boys 1. However, sometime after watching around 20 camera spinning angle scenes, with the sun light glare in the camera encompassing a close up of (put movie action star here) with an overtly serious and badass look on face.  Cut next scene, witty joke, cut to next camera angle, witty joke, cue the spinning camera.  Folks, I’ve concluded that I’ve outgrown him. That’s because, at no fault of his mind you, he has directed the same movies for the last 10 years. Minus The Island, which was speculatively deviant from his normal action plot, and that’s why it was entirely awful, Michael Bay has become the epitome of Hollywood: formulaic while being able to make money hand over fist.

So where does Transformers 2 fall into this mix? Unfortunately, it falls right into the middle of it, because Transformers 1 and 2 are essentially the same movie. Except, Transformers 1 had a little more plot, and the robots are less gimmicky. By less gimmicky, I’m referring to the robots with weird Star Wars characteristics. There are these two colorful twin robots and they have Hip Hop lingo, but talk with muppet voices.  Also pointed out to me, they were illiterate.  Hm. These ghetto speaking twin robots can’t read!  Why? Frankly, I don’t know, but of one thing I am certain: just like Jar Jar Binks, they should have died. A top critic on Rotten Tomatoes pointed out that the action and special effects have lost their novelty and it’s hard to disagree. Michael Bay employs the same old tricks up his sleeve by planting a convenient tree here, a convenient wall there, so that it minimizes the amount of CG flying by the big screen. The CG wasn’t strong enough to stand alone with a great deal of up close movement, and this will be especially apparent in high definition.

Moving onto plot, wait a minute, there was no coherent plot – never mind. There was something about Earth having Energon and that could save the Autobots and the Decepticons. Also, Witwicki now goes to the college of geeky guys and models. Oh yeah, Megan Fox’s character is trying to get Witwicky to commit or something. Moreover, Witwicky can save us all.  There’s a big robot, named Devastator built up from five smaller robots that wasted about twenty minutes of my life.  Plot. The end.

On the flip side, don’t get me wrong. I did enjoy this movie. Anything with Optimus Prime and an appeal to my childhood will win me over to SOME degree. Also, Megan Fox is smoking hot, and there was a gratuitously long slow motion Michael Bay Watch scene where Witwicky and Megan Fox are running towards the camera and she is bouncy in all her glory. Two strings away from awesomeness. Btw, get it? Michael Bay? Bay Watch? Righttt? In conclusion, Transformers 2 is again, good enough. I enjoyed it when I should, but hated it just about anywhere I could. On a sidenote, that one scene towards near the conclusion was AWFUL. What were they thinking?! If I die, and I see the forefathers of Cybertron, well, that would be ridiculous – just like the scene from this movie: ridiculous.

Anyways, I give this movie 2.5/5 stars for enjoyment and plenty of Megan Fox slow mo shots – see above and below et al.  Thank you Michael Bay, but I still hate you.  This movie is what it is and that’s pure entertainment and stuff blowing up which is OK, but it wasn’t good and that “scene” that will live in infamy has burned itself to the back of my retinas.  It could’ve been better, but it could’ve been worse.  On that closing note, here’s one more shot of Megan Fox in a higher resolution.

Drag Me to Hell – Campy, Jumpy and sometimes just plain Gross!

It’s been a long time folks, I’ve been a bit busy with work, but I figured some of our few loyal readers, whoever they are, have need of something new to read.  SO let’s get this party under way.  I know I know, this movies on its way out, but hopefully you can catch still catch it.  = )

Where do we begin? Two years have passed since the abomination that was Spiderman 3.  Let’s be honest, that was a hack job in and of itself.  How do you mess up a story with Venom?  But, let’s save that for another post.  Anyways, I was not too hopeful for this movie, because the line between campy and cheesy is paper thin.  However, Drag Me to Hell luckily stays delicious campy and jumps out of the screen in violent and grisly fashion.  Let’s break down some of the background story.

I wantttt to suckkkk your blood!

Drag Me to Hell follows the story of Christine Brown – the generic and seemingly wholesome protagonist of the story.  She’s squeaky clean and cute, and if that’s not enough, she’s seriously dating the Apple Guy.  However, Christine Brown who btw is played by Alison Lohman wants that promotion – hell, we all want that promotion.  And I’ll be damned to Hell that is, if Christine Brown doesn’t deserve it!  However, her work situation is quite hellish; her nerdy and ratty asian coworker wants that promotion too.  Therefore, she turns down the creepy old lady on a loan extension.  Spited the old lady returns only to curse Christine Brown to have her soul be taken by an evil deity in a fantastic scene.

This was a good Holy Shit moment.

Do not bring your kids to this movie, and do not bring the faint of heart.  While, I will not spoil any of these scenes, I will say, Christine Brown sure drinks her milk and takes her vitamins.  Because, despite going through some supernatural beat downs, she remained throughout the film in pretty good shape and health.  Anyways, in desperate measures, she employs a Rham Jas – a Fortune Teller – for aid.  Despite having the name of an Indian Hip Hop Popstar, Rham Jam shows his knowledge, mettle and supernatural know how, and does everything in his power to avert Christine Brown’s fate.  After doing this movie, Rham Jas pursued a successful career in Bollywood as a backup dancer and rapper to Shaheed in Lost.

Drag Me to Hell works great and often.  In fact, I haven’t been this jumpy since the Ring, and this movie employs all the tricks in the book.  Sam Raimi is without a doubt, the real deal when it comes to directing and writing Horror.  Don’t forget, this is the guy who concieved the very beloved cult-classic Evil-dead series, whic btw is going to get another jumpstart in the near future, but hell, which sequels aren’t right?  I would put this as another great date movie, but most horror movies are for taking girls anyways.

My preciousssssssssss!

This movie was a fantastic ride, and I hope to see more of its kind later.  Unfortunately, from ticket sales, Drag Me to Hell didn’t do all that fantastic in the Box Office, but I hope that you guys get a chance to catch it in the theatre or on DVD.

Oh and just before I forget again, I give this movie 4/5 Stars.

What to Watch: 050809

New movie to watch this weekend: “Star Trek”

Overall great reviews from critics; it is a rebirth to an already stellar franchise.  Some are claiming the best prequel ever and even if you’re not a “Trekker,” the movie is still a must see.

Questionable Viewing: “Next Day Air”

One knows what to expect when watching a movie of this type.  Expect typical jokes and a predictable plot, but one thing one won’t expect is all the violence and involved in the movie.

Movie to Avoid: “The Soloist”

This is a case of trying to do too much with very little one has.  The movie tries to be Oscar worthy, but fails in its script, there are many times with Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. looking at each other with long pause.

In Case You Haven’t Seen it: “State of Play”

A very well done thriller from the same director who did “Last King of Scotland” and writer Tony Gilroy from the Bourne trilogy bring you this movie.  Very well acted, there may be lots of twists and turns but it reminds me of a favorite movie of mine, The Interpreter, with Sean Penn.  It is definitely worth a look.

What To Watch: 050109

Animated: Battle For Terra

• Critics’ Consensus: Lacks both a cohesive story and polished visuals

Comedy: Ghost of Girlfriends Past

• Critics’ Consensus: Lacks originality, humor, and any semblance of charm

Action: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

• Critics’ Consensus: Can’t overcome a cliche-ridden script and familiar narrative

*Critics Consensus Courtesy of RottenTomatoes.com

Quickie News: 050109

*Keanu Reeves To Take Over For Clive Owen In ‘Cartagena’

*Hayden Panettiere To Get ‘Footloose’

*Jim Carrey Is ‘The Beaver’

*Mike Newell To Direct ‘The Lone Ranger’

*Marcus Nispel Takes The ‘Last Voyage’